Talking on Motherhood

I feel absolutely inadequate to be the one talking about mothers. I was asked to speak on Mothers Day in our ward this year. Then I got asked to speak about Mothering again for the adult session of Stake Conference! Whoa, that was stressful. After spending many hours preparing, I started to doubt everything I'd written and wondered if I'd even addressed the topic at hand. However, that was the day before I was to get up in front of everyone so I left it the way it was and went with it. So here it is, if you have a few minutes and are interested. I feel like I needed this more than anyone and it was nice to review the topic.

The Power of a Mother's Influence and Teaching of Gospel Principles in the Home

As I was growing up, I knew I wanted to be a mother. Actually that was all I wanted to do. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I never really had an answer because I felt like they were looking for something other than being a mother. One night, I was probably around 10 or 11, my mom was sitting at my bedside saying goodnight and somehow we got on the topic of the 2^nd Coming. She said she thought it would probably happen in my lifetime and explained that we don't know when it will happen but it will be soon. I remember being filled with emotion at the thought of it happening before I had kids. I really wanted to have kids in this lifetime and essentially, be like my mother. She explained that even if I didn't have kids in this lifetime, I could still raise children after the 2^nd Coming. That was “o..kay” with me and made me feel a little better though I still wanted to have them in this life.

Well as it turns out, I did get to have kids in this life, although this was not a dream that came easily. After several years of struggling to have children, my husband and I turned to adoption. My mother helped a little in this decision. Not only did she look up the adoption agency's phone number for my area and make me write it down and then continually ask if I'd called (as only a mother could), she herself was adopted and always talked positively about it. I am a mother, in many ways, because of her. We have had the opportunity to adopt 4 kids over the last 10 years.

Our family was built differently than most but in other ways we are just like every other family. We have the sibling quarrels, the “she's looking at me” arguments and “they came into my room and messed it up!” scenario. Motherhood has turned out to be wonderful... and the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. Somehow, my mom made raising 5 kids look easy!

I have found myself often struggling with what to do with my kids, how to help them be happy, how to be an example and a positive influence to them and not an anchor weighing them down. My thoughts are always turned to the scriptures and to Christ.

I want to stop here for a minute. While my talk this evening is for Mothers, I'd like to address those who aren't mothers for just a second. I feel sensitive to your position for the years I did ache to be a mother. I'd like you to please listen to this talk and apply it to your lives as you see fit. It may be siblings, nieces, nephews or other children in your lives that you're able to touch through this message. If somebody comes to mind while you're listening, please be an example to that person. Children need positive influences outside of their homes as well as inside.

In an Ensign article titled “What Mothers Can Learn from the Savior” by Amy Morgan the very first thing she mentions is spending more time with our children. The Savior always made time for the children even when He was tired. “Suffer the little children to come unto me” (Mark 10:14) He knew how much children can teach us, and how much they need attention and guidance.

Our 2 oldest children are 7 & 10 and for some reason they are the hardest to get to bed! The younger ones just go and fall asleep but the older ones, as my husband puts it, are broken. It's the end of the day, everyone's tired and we just want them to go to bed. However their plans consist of sneaking into each others rooms to play, running up and down the hall (which we can hear loudly from downstairs), doing art projects and reading into all hours of the night. Lately I've decided to change my own priorities. Instead of trying to clean up the house when they go to bed I've decided to spend even more time with them. The other night I lay down with our daughter because she loves to cuddle and rather than jump up after 2 minutes like usual, I decided to stay and visit with her. I can't even begin to tell you about the conversations we had! Somehow we talked about Adam & Eve and the forbidden fruit and the beginning of life, we talked about the pre-existence and why we can't remember anything from before. She asked about families and at the end of our discussion, she re-capped everything I'd told her and finished with “I'm so glad I chose you to be my mom!” I'm sure you can imagine how happy I was that I'd chosen her over a tv show or housecleaning that night. But you know what? It gets better! I had teased my son earlier that night about why he doesn't want me to lay with him before bed anymore. As I was saying goodnight to our daughter, our 10 yr old called me to come into his room. He had put his book down (which is a big deal!) and asked if I would lay with him! {Now nobody tell him I'm telling you this or it'll never happen again!} Our conversation was a little quieter than the one next door but we did talk about ways he could help his sister get ready for her baptism next year and the one on one time we spent was valuable and far too infrequent.

Elder M Russell Ballard said, “Quality time is a direct function of quantity time – and mothers, to nurture their children properly, must provide both.” He also taught, “a mother's nurturing love arouses in children, from their earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and goodness they experienced in the pre-mortal existence.”

Often times I think we as mothers, or least speaking for myself, tend to focus on the temporal aspects of family life and taking care of the home and schedules. It requires extra care to make time to teach and learn in the home. President Ezra Taft Benson said ”Mothers, teach your children the gospel in your own home, at your own fireside. This is the most effective teaching that your children will ever receive. This is the Lord's way of teaching.”

50. Tom Perry taught that, “Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today's world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. We as parents must realize that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. We are ultimately entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father's children. Elder Perry said, “We must do this by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time”.

I know this may be easier said than done. Our home evenings usual consist of a 30 second – 1 minute lesson that won't bore the toddlers and still entertain the older kids. Most of the time is spent chasing the toddlers and trying to reverently hold their wiggling bodies and quiet their laughs and screams while someone else is trying to teach. Family prayers are the same way. It's quite exhausting actually and I look for other ways to teach them in a less formal setting.

I used to take the kids to a bus stop and we'd always get there early. While we waited for the bus I would read a story or 2 out of the Children's Friend Magazine. The older kids really enjoyed this and thanks to my smartphone I was able to read from many past issues as well. One day our son came home looking upset and after some coaxing he told me that a boy was picking on him. I felt inspired to let him come up with a solution to the problem, which is not my nature as I'd like to solve the problem for him. I would have called the teacher and taken it from there. But I calmly asked if he would like me to do anything about it, to which he replied “no”. He said he remembered a story I'd read from the Friend that had that same situation in it. The boy being picked on invited the other boy over after school, they made cookies and a friendship. Our son wanted to invite this boy over so he could get to know him better. I told him of course he could, get his phone # and I'd call his mom to work it out. The next day when our son went to school with the attitude of wanting to be this boys friend, things changed. He came home and said he didn't need to invite him over, he was already being nice to him now.

This was a huge teaching moment for me. First, my kids were actually listening to the stories even when they were bouncing around the car. Second, my son tried to implement the principle into his life and was perfectly capable of solving this problem on his own.

As mothers we need to constantly change to keep up with our rapidly moving lives. We have kids getting older and doing different activities, new children being added to the family, children moving away. We can't stay the same while life is changing around us. We must adapt and find new ways to teach our children. This might mean studying scriptures in the morning before school, reading stories in the car (I've even had our son read while I'm driving), have older children read to younger children. You have to find what works for your family and if you can't find something that works, then something in your life needs to go so you can.

Elder Joseph Fielding Smith taught: “It is the duty of parents to teach their children these saving principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, so that they will know why they are to be baptized and that they may be impressed in their hears with a desire to continue to keep the commandments of God after they are baptized, that they may come back into his presence. Do you, my good brethren and sisters, want your families, your children; do you want to be sealed to your fathers and your mothers before you...? If so, then you must begin by teaching at the cradle-side. You are to teach by example as well as precept.”

We must pray for our children. Pray that they will have enriching moments where they will feel the spirit and teach them to recognize that for what it is. Give them the opportunity of priesthood blessings, if their father isn't available, get your home teacher or another ward member. Some of my greatest spiritual moments are from priesthood blessings. Let them catch you in prayer so they know it's important to you. There have been several times when I'm having a hard day and I just have to leave the room to say a prayer and a child walks in and starts talking to me. Instead of ending my prayer and looking up, I keep my head bowed and hold up a finger and immediately they get reverent and wait until I'm done. Their mood changes when they see you praying.

Teach them to Pray, and listen for the spirit. There is no greater tool! If they can learn to recognize how the spirit communicates with them at a young age, they will be better able to navigate their lives.

Teach Faith in Heavenly Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ. The Savior taught that He is the good Shepherd and that His “sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out.” “He...goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice” (John 10:3-4)

When we teach our children to have faith, they will know to follow His teachings and to listen to His voice – whether through the scriptures, modern prophets, or the Holy Ghost. They will be able to trust their decisions when led by the Spirit.

Teach them to Love the Sabbath. The Savior did good works on the Sabbath even when the Pharisees criticized Him for doing so. Attending church and partaking of the sacrament is the most important thing to do on the Sabbath but it shouldn't be the only thing. President Spencer W Kimball has said, “The Sabbath calls for constructive thoughts and acts, and if one merely lounges about doing nothing on the Sabbath, he is breaking it”. Find wholesome activities that your family will enjoy while still inviting the spirit.

I have listed just a few important things we should teach our children but as you know, there are so many more.

Gordon B Hinckley said:

You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind again and again will be, How well have my children done?

If the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other satisfaction can compensate for your loss.

And so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help of the Lord to assist you in your trials. But do not delay. Start now, whether your child be six or 16.

Bradley Foster of the 2^nd quorum of the Seventy said:

Brothers and sisters, in a world where everyone is granted agency, some of our loved ones may stray for a season. But we can never give up. We must always go back for them—we must never stop trying. Our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, has issued a plea for us to go rescue those of our loved ones who may be lost (see, for example, “Stand in Your Appointed Place,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2003, 54–57). With the help of priesthood leaders, parents must continue to go back and find their lost ones, assuring them there will always be a “home” within the family and the Church, waiting for their return. We never know when a heart may be turned. We never know when a soul may be weary and worn out by the world. When that happens, it seems our children almost always turn first toward Mother.

We need to keep trying moms, we can never give up. Lets take into practice what we teach our children. Pray and have faith. Pray... and have faith.

President James E Faust said, “If you have done your best, which you usually do, your humble offering, whatever it may be, will be acceptable and pleasing to the Lord.”

One last quote that I'd like to end with is this, and I love this one.

President Boyd K Packer, “If you are helpless, He is not. If you are lost, He is not. If you don't know what to do next, He knows. It would take a miracle you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?”

Don't our children deserve a miracle? Don't they deserve the very best we have? Let's give them that. Let's give them everything we have and let the Lord guide us as we do so.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.