Court Decision

In the last couple of weeks I've noticed more signs from B that he doesn't care for visits. He doesn't eat when he's with his b-dad, he throws fits etc. Over the weekend I was thinking about all the things he's done to display he's not happy with this situation and I realized that I needed to do something about it. I texted my social worker and asked for the kids attorney's #. I told her B has been trying to tell us all along that's he's unhappy, as best as he can, without a voice.


I need to be his voice!

After talking to her and getting the info I needed she explained the following to me.

B-dad has not received all the services he's needed in order to call it a good 6 months of reunification. He's required to take some classes which he started but they were in English, he's Spanish speaking. They have not been able to find him the Spanish classes he needs. He has only had visits with the kids since December. He's supposed to get 6 months. Part of the wait and reason he didn't get it before was he had to prove paternity.

So basically it comes down to this:
If they terminated his rights today, he could appeal that he wasn't given the full services due. He would win the case. That would prolong everything.

In realizing this, we understood why the social worker was recommending another 6 months reunification for him. (I wish it was 3 months to make it a full 6 but the court works in 6 mo intervals). So we knew that's what would need to happen today.

So...next court date: August 29th. THAT'S THE BIG DATE!! They either terminate reunification and move towards permanency (with us) or they reunify kids with b-dad. In order for reunification, they will have to increase visits and do overnight visits before this date. He will need to prove that he CAN single parent.

The good thing through all this, is because I started to raise a stink over the weekend, my social worker (who's different from the county worker) has requested a CASA. She talked to the kids attorney today (I never did get a chance to talk to him), a CASA rep and the county to approve a CASA for the kids. That has to be done at court.


CASA-Court Appointed Special Advocate

A CASA is usually for kids who can at least talk. CASA is backlogged, they have tons of kids who need them and very little CASA's available. A CASA is someone who donates their time, they get to know the foster child and they advocate for them. In our situation the CASA will come to our home, see how B&A are, get to know them in this environment, get to know our family dynamic etc. CASA will also go to visits with the kids to see how they are with b-dad, how they interact, how comfortable they are etc.

Basically CASA is the eyes and ears of the child for the court. The judge really depends on what the CASA has to say. CASA is the only person who gets to know the child in all environments and can make the best assessment as to where they are better off.

This is a huge deal for us! It's very hard to get a CASA. We may still have a wait...but we have an in. Our social worker just trained 15 new CASA's! Yeah that's right. She knows all the CASA's at the local office because she used to be one. She talked to a CASA today and they said most of the CASAs just trained want to work with kids under 5. Our worker gave them our info but told me she's going to call on Friday to follow up.

I realize we're opening our lives to a stranger to evaluate how we parent, how the kids interact with each other... Most people might have a hard time with this, but I welcome the opportunity to show someone how well the kids fit in here and hopefully they'll choose us as the best fit for them.



I'm glad I talked to my mother-in-law & mom over the weekend about the kids. Talking to them made me see everything more clearly and made me realize I need to fight for them. It was perfect timing with court today to get a CASA.

So now... another 6 months...

Laugh

This morning started like most mornings. Except Avery woke up a little earlier...which made me get up earlier...which gave me the opportunity to make breakfast for my kids instead of them grabbing a bowl of cereal.

B didn't wake up at his normal 7:20 which was curious since he's always on time. I finally heard him fuss around 7:45 which is "go" time anyway. When I got him up he was burning! Great, fever time.

Fast forward to in the car...

All 4 kids are buckled and I'm leaving the neighborhood. I'm at a red light with cars all around me when I hear screams from the back seat. "B is puking!!" Oh fantastic! So at this point, I can't turn around. I'm not in a lane that allows me to turn right, I just have to go straight like originally planned. I tried to get the kids to use Av's blanket to clean it up @ which they declared they were not going to touch it! Can't say I blame them. So I decided I'd just keep driving to the bus stop & B would have to wait until we got home. Sad I know.

So we're almost to the freeway and I hear a smaller yet still fervent voice from the back of the car. M (who has just turned 9) says, "I don't have any shoes on!" So for the 2nd time in the last 5 minutes I assess the traffic and try to decide, do I turn around? Or make him deal with it?

At this moment I wonder why I had to put him in a school that's so far away? I drive 10-13 min to the bus stop. The bus takes him another 15 minutes to school. If I was walking him down the street to the local bus stop, pretty sure he would've noticed he didn't have shoes on. But I remind myself that the school we've chosen is much smaller and he's getting the attention from teachers he needs and and and...

Okay... do I make him ride the bus w/out shoes? Do I drive him home to get shoes? That would mean missing the bus, driving him to school & I have fever puking baby in back. So I call my friend who also takes her kids out there. Is she putting kids on the bus or driving to school? Bus. Okay...think...think. She asks what size he wears & sends a pair of shoes with her son to let M borrow.

Keep driving towards bus stop. Call Matt because he just needs to hear about this crazy morning. Michael pipes up from the back, "Mom I wear size 2 not 1". And his friend was bringing a 13. AUGH I don't think this is going to work. Think...think... Matt suggests our friends who live right by the bus stop. I call them, they're frantically trying to get their own kids out the door to the bus. I ask if there's any way at all they have some old shoes we could borrow for the day? Looking...Looking... YES!!

I was sitting at the bus stop, looked at clock, I had about 3 minutes. I pull out of my spot and drive like crazy to their house several blocks away. Round a corner and there's an old man pulling out of his driveway in a large truck. Brake!! Wait...wait... ok go! Get to their house, grab shoes and race back down street to see we're right behind the bus.

Phew! made it. When Michael got out of the car...wearing shoes, I looked back at B who had fallen asleep and I just had to LAUGH! Because the clock was telling me it was 8:15 and I was already exhausted.

Might I add the whole shoe fiasco brought out many of M's tears (not a hard thing to do) and the whole time I was trying not to laugh.

I was talking to our social worker since I was also trying to cancel a 9:00 apt for B. As I was telling her about my morning...and laughing... Al was getting really mad in the back of the car, telling me not to tell everyone. But what can you do besides laugh? And tell everyone? Because sometimes things are so crazy and it's a challenge to see just how you can adjust to this new twist life has just thrown at you.

Lately I've been sad that M is 9. In another 1/2 of his life he'll be moving out. In 3 years he'll be 12 and joining the youth in church. This is going too fast and I feel like I need to be doing so much more for him. Teaching him more, spending more time with him. 

But this morning told me that he's still a little boy... who still needs his Mom... or he may not get to school with clothes on.

Heart Day 2012

 I am having so much fun with my Cameo!! LOVE it!! So I had to make some hearts for v-day. 3d is pretty cool right?

 And... I had to make some brownies with ganache! Mmmmmm these were delish!

 Aliyah's pretty much over me doing her hair but she let me have a little fun anyway. Love doing something fun in her hair. She even kept it in all day!

 Such a pretty girl and loves dressing for any occasion. She found the perfect red dress in her closet for v-day.

Matt & I were fortunate enough to go out on Valentines night. We went to dinner at Steamers in Pismo Beach. It was FABULOUS!! Had the most delicious fish over mashed potatoes with artichokes and spinach. Watched the sun set over the ocean while we ate dinner and just really enjoyed our time out.

You'd think we don't get out much...we go out about twice a month. But this evening, eating dinner right on the ocean, was wonderful. Plus it was the middle of the week and I just walked away from all duties. LOVED it!!

Michael turns 9!

Welcome to our Theater!

Now Showing...Kung Fu Panda 2

I had fun with the decorations even though it was a bunch of boys (& 2 girls). So I was thrilled when a little boy commented on all the "things on the walls". hahaha Totally worth it!This was my favorite part. Love the cupcakes! They were super sweet but turned out great.

 A wonderful friend had a movie party before us so she graciously let us borrow her red carpet. It was so great!

 The popcorn machine was awesome, thanks to another friend. Michael was thrilled about it to say the least

 And Michael's favorite drink

 Enjoying a little pizza dinner before the movie.

The kids had a lot of fun... and so did we! The house was totally quiet while the movie was playing (upstairs in the theater which I forgot to get pictures of). Matt and I were wondering what to do with ourselves. Besides the occasional kid who'd run down for more drink or popcorn, it was still for the length of the movie. Best party ever!! And Michael agreed so that's what counts.

A child's smile...and cry

SMILE 


Is it a simple thing?


Does it come easily?


I thought so. My children are always smiling...laughing... (well most of the time).


The other day a comment stopped me in my tracks. I was doing my least favorite thing...loading these precious babies into The Lady's car to go see their b-dad. The Lady put Avery in, Aliyah put Brock in. I was helping Avery stop crying, wrapping her blanket around her. Aliyah was waving to Brock.


The Lady looked in her rear view mirror and said,


"Ahh he's so cute when he SMILES. I've never seen him SMILE before, he's always so serious."


That was February 8th. The Lady had been taking them for visits to their b-dad for 2 MONTHS! She'd never seen him SMILE.


CRY


A form of communication...

The Lady brought the babies home. She said they had gone to a park. She said the room they visit in at the county building is really small.


She said for the last couple of weeks when they get inside the room, Avery looks around and starts crying...like really screaming...like she does when they put her in the car to take her to the visit...


So they decided to go to the park...because Avery doesn't like the size of the room...and they didn't want her to cry.


I didn't know 8 months olds could tell what size a room is.