From Minivan To...

NEW MINIVAN!

Ok, well I couldn't quite get away from the minivan, at least not in this stage of my life. I looked at SUV's etc but with 2 little ones who require my help getting in their seats and me lugging around strollers etc, this was the best option for us. And it is brand spanking new which I never thought I'd get. Every time I drive it I can't believe how nice it is. And every time my kids touch the outside I cringe. Especially when Brock was running his little matchbox car across it. Hahaha. Such is life with a van. If I didn't have kids I wouldn't be driving a van, and with kids comes scratches, spills, dirt and fingerprints. I just take a deep breath and get over it. 

School

For some reason I've always had a problem with school and my kids. I've never been super happy with anything they've been in. Michael attended the public school in our neighborhood K-2. Then about 2/3 of the way through 2nd grade I began noticing problems. He was in a class with all the trouble kids. Because Michael is so quiet, he gets put in the middle to break them up. After talking to his teacher and realizing there's wasn't a lot we could do in this oversized system of 32+ kids in a class, I pulled him out and moved him to a smaller school about 15 minutes outside town. I've been driving him to the bus stop every morning & they bus him to the school. He liked it there though he was sad to leave his other friends. Still, 24 in a class with a part-time aid was much better.

Aliyah went to a Montessori pre-school and since she did so well, we kept her there for kindergarten as well. (If it had been available for Michael we would have done that but it's a newer school.) For 1st grade she joined Michael at his school...for a couple months. We started noticing problems at their school. While it had small classes (135 kids in the whole school of K-8), it was run by a principal and the board. The superintendent got put on leave and can't be replaced until next summer. It's a tiny town run by country folk with a "Good 'Ol Boy" mentality. Bullying is a big issue though we never had a problem thank goodness. Aliyah thrived, she was elected ASB officer in her class and had many friends. After being in such a tiny K class (10 kids) she loved being around a lot of kids.

There were some things we were willing to overlook for the kids to have a different experience out there. But then there were some bigger issues amongst the administration. Well after sitting on it for a couple of weeks, and praying about it, 2 of my friends and I all pulled our kids out. That's 8 kids total, on the same day. I couldn't put the kids back in a local school with 32+ kids in a class. I know that for some kids that's ok, but for mine, it doesn't work well.

So what do we do? All the private schools are denominational, some are very anti-mormon. A couple weeks ago my friend suggested homeschool and I laughed and said NO WAY! Matt said the same thing. Well guess what... we're homeschooling.

We found a program called Trivium where they go to school 2 days/week and are homeschooled 3. It's a classical education at school. They cover Science, History, Geography at school. I'm in charge of Math, Reading, Spelling, Grammar, PE etc. I ordered my curriculum last week and am now so excited! After sitting down with the curriculum specialist and telling her How my kids learn, she was able to help me pick what they would excel at. They are no longer learning in a mold of the public school curriculum.

Today was our first day. They started at 7:30am and were done by 10:10. They took a 15 min break and they practiced music for 25 min in that time. I don't have my actual curriculum yet so I had to get a bunch of my own stuff from the internet (there's gobs!). I met up with my other 2 friends who left the last school and are now doing this. One of them is a teacher/substitute and when I mentioned my concern with them getting their work done so quickly, she said that's way more than they'd ever get in a  school day. So anyway, we'll see how this goes. I'm mostly concerned about the down time and how to keep them busy but hoping it'll pay off with all they learn.

I'll keep you posted.

Nightmares

Oh man...

I'd forgotten about the nightmares for B that comes with his visits. And this time they've been worse than ever. With the exception of a few nights, he's been pretty consistent with them for the last week and a half. He wakes up screaming, "MOM" over and over until I can get in there and soothe him. Sometimes I can't pull him out of it and I have to walk him around, trying to get him to focus on my face and look around so he can see he's ok.

Our social worker came over today and she said the previous worker (who wrote the recommendation for Dec court) put in the report that even after rights are terminated, they should continue visits! What?! Our worker now has said she's making a change to that and visits should not continue. She doesn't even know why they're continued right now. We are just at the mercy of whoever rights the reports I guess. That's the frustrating part. But we do what we have to do & hopefully B doesn't get too traumatized in the process.

The Visit

Our social worker requested the Case Aid that used to take the kids so she would be familiar to them. She picked them up, B seemed to remember her and was fine with going. A didn't remember her I don't think and she ran outside until The Lady put her in the car. Then either memories came back or she just didn't like a stranger buckling her into a strange car. Either way, her lower lip quivered. After buckling B, I quickly ran to her side of the car to give her loves before she left.

Our CASA worker brought them back and told me about the visit. She said B was really quiet for the 1st 1/2 hr. Bdad asked The Lady if he was talking at all. (Not sure if I mentioned it before but Bdad was annoyed and didn't understand why we taught him sign language so he was probably worried he wasn't talking at all.) Then once B warmed up, he started talking. And this is what he repeatedly said, "All done, all done, all done". Hahahaha. Sorry, can't help it. They went to McDonalds so I didn't feed them lunch...but neither did Bdad. Should have thought of that, money is probably an issue. Needless to say, the kids were starving and thirsty when they got home. But it sounds like they had fun on the McDonalds playground and that is good. It's better than trying to keep these 2 busy in a small room at the county building.

Another visit next month. Our CASA said that if Bdad's attorney contests termination of rights in Dec then they'll have to have a hearing. Agh! I guess we'll see. I don't know if he'll contest since at the last hearing he just let it go without contesting anything. Seems like he wouldn't contest but now with Bdad back in the picture...who knows. The waiting continues...

And...He's Back

Bdad has called the county office wanting a visit. He didn't leave a number to be called back but I'm sure he'll call again. We have a new permanency worker who said she'll just have them do a group visit. This means 1 supervisor in a room with several kids visiting parents. So in other words, it wouldn't be very supervised. My social worker asked her to read the file, consider how long he's been out of the picture at this point and how young the kids are before deciding what kind of visit to do. After starting to read the file the county worker agreed that one on one supervision would be best. Also our CASA worker will go on the visit so the kids will have someone familiar to them there. Thank heavens for her!!

So for now we'll wait to see what happens next. Avery certainly doesn't know him, plus she screams a lot so hopefully she'll scare him off. hahaha And Brock talks so much now! It's hard to know what a child remembers, I wonder if he remembers him. I'm sure he would when he sees him. The last visit they had was late May, almost 6 months ago. That's a long time for children so young and I'm worried what memories could be stirred up for B. But, it's part of the process and we'll just have to go through it.

The Things People Say

Don't people say funny things sometimes? I'm sure I have said my fair share of funny/offensive things. I try not to but sometimes I'm sure I do.

When we first started fostering children almost 7 years ago, I remember getting questions and comments all of a sudden. Here's a dialogue I remember very well.

I was shopping in Petsmart and had 3 yr old Michael and 3 yr old Jaden, who we'd only had for several weeks, with me. Newborn Aliyah was at home with Matt.

Stranger Lady: How old are they? (innocent right?)
Me: 3 (all of a sudden you see her looking intently since they look nothing alike)
Lady: Are they twins?
Me: No
Lady: How far apart are they?
Me: 20 days
(...crickets....)
(...and more crickets...) (Do I fill the space?)
Me: We're fostering
Lady: (with sudden understanding) Ohh! Well she must be yours because he looks nothing like you!
Me: (with a little too much exertion) No! He's mine!
Lady:...oh...

Okay, so this is a bad scenario all around. Luckily the 2 kids were so busy playing with each other they didn't hear (I don't think) or wouldn't have understood anything she was talking about. But I felt awful and realized right away that I needed a plan for all those questions. After that I learned to stop the conversations at "yes, they're all mine", smile and walk away. I never wanted a foster child to feel like they weren't mine.

This caused more exciting conversation when we had little Luis. By this time I felt fairly seasoned with the questions being 2 years into fostering. People would look at the kids (Luis was very Hispanic looking) and ask if they're all mine. I wondered what they must think of me since they all look so different but I stopped caring about that long ago. So when people asked this in front of Luis, I would respond with a confident "Yes". And then, 3 yr old little Luis would pop up with "I'm not yours!" Then turn to the stranger and say "my moms in jail".  Well, can't say I didn't try.

Another conversation I remember very well. Michael was born in Utah while we were living in Texas. We jumped on a plane when his bmom's water broke and got to hold him that first night he was born. He was born on a Thursday, she placed him in our arms for forever on Monday. We had to stay in Utah for 10 days for legal reasons. When that time was up we boarded a plane to go home. We had a layover in New Mexico. While we were waiting this lady approached us and here's how it went.

Strange Lady (SL): Oh he's so little
Proud new parents: Yes
SL: Wow, you moms these days are like mother cats dragging your kittens all over the country to show them to family.
Proud new parents:(...Whu???...) We've just adopted him and we're taking him home.
SL: (with big smile and oohing and awing) Oh how sweet!
Yeah yeah

Well over the years I feel like I've heard it all.
~They must look like their dad
~Oh, the boys have your eyes and the girls have their dads eyes (really? have you met my husband?)
~He has beautiful eyes, (then they glance at Aliyah to see if her eyes match then back to Michael) This has actually gotten worse with Brock because his eyes stand out so much. Luckily Aliyah and Avery have matching eyes now.
~Where are they from? (at least these people have already made the adoption connection)

Matt is better at deflecting these comments than I am. The other night we had the missionaries over for dinner and one of them, referring to the kids, asked where they get their dark hair. We used to tell people that my dad and Matt's mom have black hair, which is true. Well this time Matt said, "it grows out of their heads", then turning to Aliyah he said while shaking his head and smiling "silly missionaries". She giggled and that was that.

I remember when I first met my dear friend. I'd heard that they adopted their daughter, which was shocking since she looks so much like her mom. I was excited to meet her. Michael was 2 and I didn't know anyone in the area who'd adopted. So that was how I started the conversation, "I hear you adopted your daughter". She didn't look at me (she was going through papers or something) and mumbled "uh huh". Well I could see that I'd started with the wrong line so I quickly explained that we adopted our son and then she looked up. We became fast good friends and have traveled this foster adoption road together.

I've met people that I've wanted to ask if they adopt but how awkward is that if they didn't. I've become very mindful of what I say to people because of how it may sound to them. We have a tile guy working on our bathroom who, after working here for a week and a half, asked if we adopted our kids. It doesn't take a Geneticist to see that we couldn't have made these kids ourselves. This gets my husband and I on edge a little. First, it's a small world and we don't know who knows who. So we're cautious with our answers. Later the tile guy came down and said, "I really hope you get to keep those kids, when do you find out?" I told him it's pretty for sure that we'll keep them but December is the next date. He said "well I really hope you can keep them, they're yours. Good things happen to good people". He's a very nice guy.

What it really comes down to is this. You (by you I mean a stranger) can ask me if they're all mine, the answer is YES. You can ask where they come from or where the dark hair & eyes come from, the answer is GOD. You can even ask me if they're adopted, heck you can ask me anything you want to. I'm pretty open about it because I love adoption and I think more people should know about it.

The only thing I ask of you is please don't ask me in front of my kids. We have nothing to hide, they know they're adopted, they know they have birth parents (and think everyone has 2 sets of parents) and they know (because too many people have brought it their attention) that they don't look like us. It's all good. If they have questions they talk to us and we explain it. We explain The Plan of Salvation and how they chose us to be their parents. They get it.

This makes me wonder though, what have I asked, talked about etc in front of others that I shouldn't have or that may have made them uncomfortable? Therefore, when I'm asked questions, I realize that people don't mean any harm, they're merely curious as I often am and just don't know what to do with their words.

Thank you!!

Prayers were answered today! Reunification was TERMINATED!!!

We are so excited, the social workers weren't expecting that, they expected continuance so we're very happy.

Next date: Dec 12 to terminate rights.

Looking Better

We just got word from our social worker of the county workers recommendation for the babies. 

She is recommending terminating bdad's reunification on Aug 29th. Two weeks ago she was still telling us it was too early to know what to recommend. So now that that's on paper, we'll see what happens on the 29th.

We were told that if bdad's attorney contests, they could continue it. Hopefully termination will happen and we can move on to the next step, terminating rights.

Safety In Numbers

I've already mentioned that Matt wrecked his car, and he's fine.

We got home Sunday night from our Monterey trip. Monday morning Matt got in the van to go to work and as he tried to drive out of the driveway, noticed he was driving on the wheel, the tire had gone completely flat. He put the spare on (which was also lacking some air) and took the tire to the shop at lunch. It had a 2 inch gash on the inside of the tire, faulty tire. Nothing we did. We cannot believe it went flat in our driveway after driving all over the place all weekend!

Monday morning (same day as flat tire): My kids don't watch that much tv. I let them watch a couple shows of cartoons during the summer mornings and they usually have to earn them with chores. Well this day I got tired of them watching tv. I remember growing up that our days were spent outside in the woods or running around with our friends (granted we didn't have a tv so that wasn't an option). I was frustrated that the kids weren't spending much time outside so I sent them out. Michael went outside (or stormed out actually) and sat in the top of the fort screaming and crying that he didn't want to be outside. This went on for a while, I felt bad for our neighbors who hopefully were inside. I started thinking of what we could do to get his imagination moving.

Tuesday morning: I decide to take the kids to Pioneer Park. It has a little playground but mostly it has woods around it. I got there and told the older kids to go play in the woods and I stayed on the playground with the babies. Now, these are not the woods I grew up with. These are trees, in sand. So there's also Red Ants in the sand. Luckily we did not have an incident with red ants. After a few minutes of trying to find frogs to catch, Michael came running back to me complaining about how bored he was. I told him to go out and find some sticks to build a fort with. He disappeared for a while, then guess what?! He came running back carrying all these sticks and he was so excited! My boy found sticks!! Yay!! He and Aliyah worked on a fort for a while, then it was time to go get Matt from work. Because his car is still in the shop. The kids pile in the car, I go to back out and crash! I hit something! I thought it was a car but there was nobody around. It was a power pole! The problem with this park is they have power poles in the middle of the parking lot and nothing around them for protection. Michael and Aliyah were both drinking from water bottles so they got soaked, Aliyah cut her lip & I immediately felt pain in my neck since I was turned around and then hit. Good thing I'm married to a chiropractor!

So while our life has been speckled with numerous "incidents", "crashes" whatever you want to call them, we have been kept safe. Through it all we're healthy besides some runny noses and we're all ok. We have been very blessed and are so grateful for our safety.

A Weekend Getaway

This summer we planned a couple of short trips rather than a long vacation. It was easier with the babies to just do that rather than get court approval to go out of state & worry about breaking up visits with bdad (which haven't been happening anyway).

Last weekend we went to Monterey. We've lived here for 9 years this month and we've never been to Monterey other than driving through! I decided it was time to go. 

Our first day we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium:

These jelly fish were really cool!

Lunch at Bubba Gump!

Michael wearing Forrest Gump's shoes. I really wanted that Box of Chocolates

This octopus was awesome! He was all white and the info said when he gets mad he turns colors. I jokingly told Michael to tap on the glass to get him mad. He did, and the octopus immediately started changes colors. Quite the temper he has! haha

Day 2: San Jose Children's Museum (best children's museum I've ever been to)

 Brock is always finding his way to the drivers seat! He's so enthused over trucks so this was a special treat for him.

 The bubble maker - Michael

 And he found another one!

 They have a Clifford exhibit right now, last time we went several years ago it was Curious George

 The water room was really fun, and those gowns didn't help much

Our artist, always happy to be creating something

Day 3: Dennis The Menace Park & Carmel

 This red slide underneath was rollers that you go down

 The unfortunate part of this park is the kids don't know who Dennis the Menace is. 

We'll have to fix that.

 Paddle boat was a fun end to the park. We took turns since we didn't want to take the babies. 

Carmel

 It's so beautiful here!

 Pebble Beach Golf Course

I love this picture. Not because of me but this is what Avery does, she points at everything exciting and babbles.
So cute!

 We have beautiful beaches but this sand was white! It was finer than ours also. Matt said that must be where they get the sand for ash trays. lol

 Our kids, always digging in the sand

You've got to check out the house between the trees if you can see it. Look at the roof!
We found several houses like that.

Matt is our photographer and he took over 200 pictures of our weekend. They all turned out great! (However I should probably steal the camera next time to get some shots of him.) It was nice to get away and have a break from all that's going on at the house. The kids favorite part of the vacation? The hotel swimming pool of course. Why do we bother??

It's Raining!

Ok, not literally. Because it is, after all, July in Santa Maria and we just don't get rain in July in Santa Maria. That won't start until later in the fall.


"When it rains, it pours" is what I'm referring to. I'm not sure if we're in the raining phase or the pouring phase right now but it's at least raining kinda hard.

1. It started dripping last week in our garage from our upstairs master bath. This is the 2nd time it's done this so we called our insurance to get it figured out. I currently have (and have had) 2 men in my garage ripping out the ceiling. After not being able to do laundry all weekend (keep in mind there's 6 of us) because they'd covered right up to the washer/dryer with plastic, they called me this morning and said they were coming to rip out the ceiling above the washer/dryer, pulling them out and pulling out the cabinets above. yay. So I had 1 1/2 hrs to wedge myself between the plastic (which is heavy and taped down to the floor) and the washer to try to get some laundry done before they actually unhook the appliances, for who knows how long. I dried what I could but washing was most crucial so I have several wet loads of laundry laying around in my living room trying to dry.

They say they'll have to rip out our master bath and shower to get to the subfloor. Again, yay (with as little enthusiasm I can possibly muster). Did I mention this is what I woke up to on my birthday? Yes, Matt came in and said, "Happy Birthday, the garage is flooding".

They've hooked up these drying units in the garage and in our bathroom to dry out the wood and everything. So we've been sleeping to the constant hum and sometimes stir of the machines. I have to tell myself it's like a fan in a hotel and work myself into a sleep.

2. Yesterday I got in the car after church and got a text from Matt. It said he'd been in a wreck but he was ok. Suddenly I became a wreck, and so did the kids. He really was ok. He'd swerved to miss a deer on the road, spun the car several times then ran through a barbed wire fence and high centered the car on a hill. He was out for several hours waiting for the tow truck to come so he came home very sunburned and exhausted. It was scary for all of us and we're so thankful he's ok. His car... well it'll take some work. He joked that he was going to trade it in for a truck. If you don't know my husband, let me just say, he's a car guy. I've always wanted him to get a truck but he likes the fast sports cars...which is what got him in this predicament I suppose. So no, I don't see a truck in his future but hopefully just a more cautious driver and hopefully less of a need for speed.

Like I said, I don't know if it's raining or pouring right now but I'm hoping it stays steady for a while. Hopefully we can get a handle on all of this before moving on to life's next challenge. Keeping us on our toes! :)

A Stroll Ahead

You know when you have a baby and you have 9 months (or 8 or whatever) to prepare? People throw you a baby shower and you shop and shop and by the time baby gets there you are pretty well set?


Well it doesn't work that way for us. We get a call and get a baby a couple days later, or in this case 2 babies. And then when we get those babies, we understand very completely that we may or may not get to keep them. 


There's no baby shower. I did have a friend offer to throw a baby shower when we got these babies, because we really did need stuff for them (like another crib that a friend graciously gave us), clothes, etc. But here's the deal. Would I want a baby shower for these 2 babies, only to have them return to parents in 6-12 months? Then if we fostered again, another shower for another child? Different age/gender perhaps so we need more stuff? You can see why this can get a little sticky. Plus, having a shower feels very attaching. Like I "had" (or adopted) this baby and I'm keeping it.


So given that situation, how many of you would want to spend a lot of money on those babies? I mean, lets get real. Of course they need clothing and necessities, and you want them to look cute but if there was a chance you couldn't keep your kids (which aren't technically yours), how much money would you actually spend on them?


When we got the babies I really needed a double stroller. I wanted one I could attach the infant seat to since Avery was just 2 months. I really wanted a nice stroller but didn't want to spend the money because, once again, who knows? So I went to the local 2nd hand kids store and bought the only double stroller they had. I was very fortunate that it absolutely met my needs and has been great. However as the kids have grown a little this year, I continue walking them (and the dog) to the park often. I pull that stroller in and out of the car often, I crash into aisles, doorways and sometimes, unfortunately, people with my long stroller. Now, I also have an umbrella side by side stroller that a friend loaned me before I got the double long. That one is much easier to pull in and out of the car and set up. With the long one I have to remove both seats before I can fold it so it's just a couple extra steps. With the side by side I struggle even more to get through door ways and then the kids are spread across the aisle in the store so they can both reach out and grab things.


I've always been a stroller person, just ask Matt. We used to have at least 3 strollers for Aliyah because each stroller served a purpose. Big & comfy, smaller & more compact, and umbrella. I want a stroller to handle well, even with one hand if possible so I can walk the dog with the other, grab a running child, take a drink or whatever. I told Matt that in August if things go our way in court, I'd like to buy a nice stroller that fits all my needs {wants}.


Well towards the end of June we started to realize that things were looking really good for us with the babies...and I started to stroller shop. After all, we're taking some mini-trips this summer and a good stroller would be awfully nice.

Here's what I found:

This stroller has the "footprint" of a single, the 2nd seat can actually be removed to make it a single stroller AND I can leave the seats on when I fold it up. (I could go on and on about all the cool stuff this stroller does but I won't bore you with the details)

I have butterflies in my stomach even as I write this because I'm letting a part of me relax a little and look forward to the future with these babies. Certainly buying this stroller was a big step for me and it still makes me nervous to just let go and accept that we will most likely, hopefully, maybe be able to adopt these babies. I can't completely let that go and feel comfortable until August 29th. But in the mean time, we'll be strolling more comfortably.

Father's Day 2012 Video

This is the Fathers Day video I made for my dad this year.

Aliyah loses her first tooth!

July 2, 2012

Age 6

I don't know what it is about this little girl, maybe it's the missing tooth. But lately she seems so grown up to me! I'm sad to see the baby in her disappear but I'm loving the girl she's becoming. She's so fun and she cracks me up. Love you Aliyah Leilani!

Music to my ears

Yesterday I heard the words 

Permanency 

and

Fost-Adopt

come out of our social workers mouth.

We have a new social worker (thank goodness) and we met for the first time yesterday. I really like her, but probably because she said those words. She was brief, she's new to this position and feels like if she's not talking, she doesn't need to be here. The other workers hang out with the kids and play with them for an hour. Either way is fine.

She still doesn't know bdad's status...again that's fine. 5 weeks without visits and we don't know if they'll start up again or when. She asked if we're a fost-adopt home. I said yes. She said she's going to get us a permanency worker. She's not entirely transferring the case to permanency because it's too early for that but she's going to have a worker contact us and get started on the case "just in case it goes there". She also mentioned that the way things are looking right now, it's very likely that's where we're headed.

She explained that with court being Aug 29, she has to have her recommendation in by Aug 12th. That's only 6 weeks away. What she didn't say, but what I already know is: within 6 weeks, bdad would have to

• start showing up for visits
• get back on a regular weekly visit schedule
• start supervised home visits
• do unsupervised home visits
• do overnight visits at his home

I'm not comfortable with saying this is impossible or it can't happen in the allotted time frame. But I can say what I was told a couple months ago by the social worker I didn't like. She said that in order for things to progress towards reunification in Aug, bdad would have to start home visits in June.

Each week we wait, and by the end of the week the sigh of relief gets a little bigger. We are very hopeful. Our regular social worker (through Angels) told me yesterday, "whatever you guys have been praying, just keep praying it because it seems to be working". I just pray that things don't progress with visits.

And I 

Thank You

for your continued prayers.

August is right around the corner.

Still Rising...

Bdad has missed 4 visits in a row. The circumstances are out of his immediate control but do count against him. Tomorrow will be visit #5 and unless a miracle happens for him, he will not be visiting tomorrow either. After that we don't know. No one really knows and we're all just waiting to find out what happens next. Each day could bring new information and sometimes it does.


Waiting...


I'm not a patient person but this whole adoption process with each of our children has forced me to become more patient. I just want to know what's happening and what's going to happen. But I guess that's for Heavenly Father to know, and for us to patiently wait to find out.

Hope Rising...Cautiously

Due to circumstances with bdad, visits are not happening right now. We don't know how long this will last. They could pick up again next week or next month. We don't know. So far 2 visits have been missed/cancelled.

Every Wednesday that goes by without a visit is better for us. We're continuing to pray that visits do not progress. Even if they continue doing visits the way they were is fine with me. What I don't want is Home visits and/or unsupervised visits. 

For now, we're enjoying the fact that visits just aren't happening. We're getting closer to the end and that makes each week very crucial.

Love these babies!!

Hurdling

Not to be confused with Hurling... though I feel like doing that too.


Yesterday the social workers came over. My Angels worker is great, no problem with her. It's the county worker that I now have a beef with.


She came in asking how the kids are, I showed her how A is standing now and told her all B's new words.


She asked about visits. I explained that B still has nightmares, although after b-dad no showed a visit and babies spent 45 min with The Lady and The Other Lady (CALM worker), the next 2 visits he didn't have nightmares or adverse behaviors. I explained that he's now comfortable with The Ladies (not b-dad) so he seemed to do fine. I really don't think it has anything to do with being comfortable with b-dad. He doesn't interact with them enough to rise a smile out of them. That's what The Ladies do. The Social Worker was frantically taking notes of everything I told her.


Then she said they're lengthening visits with dad, from 2 to 3 hrs. {WHAT?!}


After that, they'll start doing supervised visits in Santa Barbara at dad's home, then move to unsupervised and eventually overnights. This is all in preparation to send them back to dad.


My Questions:

Has dad been fingerprinted? He said he has but he hasn't turned in the papers yet. We won't do home visits until his background is cleared.


What about the reactions B has had to visits? The nightmares, the biting & hitting, the acting out? Oh that's to be expected. The courts won't even look at that. {????!!!! Is this not a child who's trying to communicate?}


What about bonding with dad? Oh that doesn't matter. They don't need to bond with him, as long as he does what we ask, he's blood to them.


So as we go through these next several months of jumping the legal hurdles & praying we get to keep these babies, excuse me if I want to hurl when I hear that "bonding doesn't matter" and "the courts won't even look at B's nightmares". Dad is blood and that's what matters. 

the other room

Why is it that I'm never in there, the other room?

I'll be in one room, struggling to dress A as she kicks, rolls over and squirms all over the place, utterly exhausting myself... when I realize it's awfully quiet in the other room.


There I find B has unrolled the t.p. while sitting on the toilet. 

Or what about when I leave B in the highchair (under older sibling supervision) while I run upstairs to bath A. 

That's when Big A runs upstairs announcing B has thrown his food all over the floor... and I'd served him pork and rice.

I've been in the dining room feeding A when, once again, silence pours out of the family room. Immediately I know what's going on.


Someone has left the remote control out. B sees me coming and starts pushing buttons even faster, never looking at the remote but keeping his eyes on me. It's like slow motion as I try to reach him. That night when if we sit down to relax, we find all kinds of mystery shows recorded and settings changed.

A is playing with toys, quietly, contently. I walk out of the room.

Then I hear a bang and screaming. She has crawled over and fallen into our lovely indoor rock area on her face. Fat lip, scratch on cheek and ear. Why was I in the other room?

B is on the toilet. (He takes a while & I can't just leave the other room that long) He sits. 


I hear water splashing. I run in and his hand, shirt and body are soaked. But he did pee first!

I'm changing a diaper (I often am) and I hear squeaky wheels.

Can't...move...fast...enough!!!

And... there's more scratches on the coffee table.

Silence...Silence...Silence  The big trouble always starts with silence.

• My purse emptied on the floor
• Books thrown out of shelves
• Baskets of toys dumped
• Milk in a bowl left over from breakfast pouring down the front of a child and onto the (cushioned) chair and floor
• Food, dishes, anything, everything pulled out of cupboards, drawers, cabinets, shelves
• And don't even get me started on the pens!!

No matter where I am

the other room

is always there.

I wish I could be in there...

But I Just Can't!

Tender Moment

There are several "side" affects Brock experiences and goes through after he visits his b-dad. However that's not what I want to focus on right now.

What I love about after the visit:

Both babies have usually fallen asleep in the car on their way back to me. Matt's usually home for lunch so we help The Lady get them out of the car. I take B since he's usually so passed out & Avery usually wakes up when the car stops. I take B upstairs to put him to bed, take off his shoes and hold him for a minute. I lay him in his bed, this is when his eyes open. He looks at me, the first 1/2 waking moment since he's left his b-dad, and he smiles. Then he closes his eyes, rolls over and goes to sleep. It's like he's saying "glad I'm home". I love that moment.

Aliyah is 6!!

I still remember the day very clearly.

It was Monday, February 20th, 2006.

We'd been waiting for 4 months for a little girl. The phone rang. The Lady said there were 3 babies born today. 2 boys and 1 girl. However the girl was premie and would need to stay in the hospital for 6 weeks. But the boys needed homes this week.

M and I talked about it. We decided to take a boy. The Lady made it sound like the girl wasn't available. She said the baby was being released from the hospital on Thursday.

Our social worker called. She questioned our decision to take a boy since there was a girl. I explained we didn't think the girl was available. She said she'd be available in 6 weeks. I talked to M again, we decided since we'd committed to a boy, we'd take a boy.

Days went by. I washed all Little M's baby clothes and had them put away in the dresser. On Thursday we were ready... and waiting... for a little boy. 

4:00pm

The phone rings. The Lady says they're still planning on delivering a baby today but it's not a boy.

IT'S A GIRL!

The boys had family members come forward for them.

"But is it the 6 week premie girl?" I ask.

"Yes, but the doctors are amazed at her health, she's fully developed and ready to be released" she answered.

I had 2 hours. 

I had Little M, age 3. 

I had J (a foster daughter) age 3. We'd gotten her 3 weeks before this call.

I had no baby girl clothes, premie diapers or anything of the sort.

I threw the kids in the car and raced to Walmart to buy everything premie I could find.

When The Lady pulled her car up our driveway we all watched from the window. She went to the back of the car and pulled out a bundle of blankets. My heart stopped, then raced. I teared up. 

She came to the door and when I opened it, she walked in, still holding that pile of blankets. After a small introduction, she handed me that pile of blankets. I had to dig through the blankets to find 

my baby girl

All 4 lbs 12 oz of her, snuggled deep in the blankets.

 J & Little M, guarding the baby

This is a premie onesie, she was so tiny.

Fast forward 6 years. 

And it has been fast. That little girl has a strong will, she's a fighter and has been from Day 1.

So on her 6th birthday we celebrate her birth, her life and the love we have for her.

And what better way than to have an Ice Cream Party!!

We made ice cream in bags. A lovely Pinterest idea. The kids loved it.

Well, most of them loved it. Hahaha These 2 crack me up. They really did have fun moms! I promise! I think they just got tired of waiting.

For some reason Aliyah looks really mad in the picture. Not sure if she's glaring at someone...

After the homemade ice cream, which was a lot, M brought out the cartons from the freezer and just kept feeding those kids! We had tons of candy toppings for them.

Afterwards we sent them outside to hopefully minimize the sugar damage before sending them home to their parents. All in all, it was a fun day and Aliyah enjoyed spending the time with her friends.