I feel absolutely inadequate to be the one talking about mothers. I was asked to speak on Mothers Day in our ward this year. Then I got asked to speak about Mothering again for the adult session of Stake Conference! Whoa, that was stressful. After spending many hours preparing, I started to doubt everything I'd written and wondered if I'd even addressed the topic at hand. However, that was the day before I was to get up in front of everyone so I left it the way it was and went with it. So here it is, if you have a few minutes and are interested. I feel like I needed this more than anyone and it was nice to review the topic.
The
Power of a Mother's Influence and Teaching of Gospel Principles in
the Home
As I was growing up, I knew I wanted to
be a mother. Actually that was all I wanted to do. When people would
ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I never really had an
answer because I felt like they were looking for something other than
being a mother. One night, I was probably around 10 or 11, my mom was
sitting at my bedside saying goodnight and somehow we got on the
topic of the 2nd Coming. She said she thought it would
probably happen in my lifetime and explained that we don't know when
it will happen but it will be soon. I remember being filled with
emotion at the thought of it happening before I had kids. I really
wanted to have kids in this lifetime and essentially, be like my
mother. She explained that even if I didn't have kids in this
lifetime, I could still raise children after the 2nd
Coming. That was “o..kay” with me and made me feel a little
better though I still wanted to have them in this life.
Well as it turns out, I did get to have
kids in this life, although this was not a dream that came easily.
After several years of struggling to have children, my husband and I
turned to adoption. My mother helped a little in this decision. Not
only did she look up the adoption agency's phone number for my area
and make me write it down and then continually ask if I'd called (as
only a mother could), she herself was adopted and always talked
positively about it. I am a mother, in many ways, because of her. We
have had the opportunity to adopt 4 kids over the last 10 years.
Our family was built differently than
most but in other ways we are just like every other family. We have
the sibling quarrels, the “she's looking at me” arguments and
“they came into my room and messed it up!” scenario. Motherhood
has turned out to be wonderful... and the absolute hardest thing I
have ever done. Somehow, my mom made raising 5 kids look easy!
I have found myself often struggling
with what to do with my kids, how to help them be happy, how to be an
example and a positive influence to them and not an anchor weighing
them down. My thoughts are always turned to the scriptures and to
Christ.
I want to stop here for a minute. While
my talk this evening is for Mothers, I'd like to address those who
aren't mothers for just a second. I feel sensitive to your position
for the years I did ache to be a mother. I'd like you to please
listen to this talk and apply it to your lives as you see fit. It may
be siblings, nieces, nephews or other children in your lives that
you're able to touch through this message. If somebody comes to mind
while you're listening, please be an example to that person. Children
need positive influences outside of their homes as well as inside.
In an Ensign article titled “What
Mothers Can Learn from the Savior” by Amy Morgan the very first
thing she mentions is spending more time with our children. The
Savior always made time for the children even when He was tired.
“Suffer the little children to come unto me” (Mark 10:14) He knew
how much children can teach us, and how much they need attention and
guidance.
Our 2 oldest children are 7 & 10
and for some reason they are the hardest to get to bed! The younger
ones just go and fall asleep but the older ones, as my husband puts
it, are broken. It's the end of the day, everyone's tired and we just
want them to go to bed. However their plans consist of sneaking into
each others rooms to play, running up and down the hall (which we can
hear loudly from downstairs), doing art projects and reading into all
hours of the night. Lately I've decided to change my own priorities.
Instead of trying to clean up the house when they go to bed I've
decided to spend even more time with them. The other night I lay down
with our daughter because she loves to cuddle and rather than jump up
after 2 minutes like usual, I decided to stay and visit with her. I
can't even begin to tell you about the conversations we had! Somehow
we talked about Adam & Eve and the forbidden fruit and the
beginning of life, we talked about the pre-existence and why we can't
remember anything from before. She asked about families and at the
end of our discussion, she re-capped everything I'd told her and
finished with “I'm so glad I chose you to be my mom!” I'm sure
you can imagine how happy I was that I'd chosen her over a tv show or
housecleaning that night. But you know what? It gets better! I had
teased my son earlier that night about why he doesn't want me to lay
with him before bed anymore. As I was saying goodnight to our
daughter, our 10 yr old called me to come into his room. He had put
his book down (which is a big deal!) and asked if I would lay with
him! {Now nobody tell him I'm telling you this or it'll never happen
again!} Our conversation was a little quieter than the one next door
but we did talk about ways he could help his sister get ready for her
baptism next year and the one on one time we spent was valuable and
far too infrequent.
Elder M Russell Ballard said, “Quality
time is a direct function of quantity time – and mothers, to
nurture their children properly, must provide both.” He also
taught, “a mother's nurturing love arouses in children, from their
earliest days on earth, an awakening of the memories of love and
goodness they experienced in the pre-mortal existence.”
Often times I think we as mothers, or
least speaking for myself, tend to focus on the temporal aspects of
family life and taking care of the home and schedules. It requires
extra care to make time to teach and learn in the home. President
Ezra Taft Benson said ”Mothers, teach your children the gospel in
your own home, at your own fireside. This is the most effective
teaching that your children will ever receive. This is the Lord's way
of teaching.”
- Tom Perry taught that, “Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today's world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. We as parents must realize that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. We are ultimately entrusted with the care and development of our Heavenly Father's children. Elder Perry said, “We must do this by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time”.
I know this may be easier said than
done. Our home evenings usual consist of a 30 second – 1 minute
lesson that won't bore the toddlers and still entertain the older
kids. Most of the time is spent chasing the toddlers and trying to
reverently hold their wiggling bodies and quiet their laughs and
screams while someone else is trying to teach. Family prayers are the
same way. It's quite exhausting actually and I look for other ways to
teach them in a less formal setting.
I used to take the kids to a bus stop
and we'd always get there early. While we waited for the bus I would
read a story or 2 out of the Children's Friend Magazine. The older
kids really enjoyed this and thanks to my smartphone I was able to
read from many past issues as well. One day our son came home looking
upset and after some coaxing he told me that a boy was picking on
him. I felt inspired to let him come up with a solution to the
problem, which is not my nature as I'd like to solve the problem for
him. I would have called the teacher and taken it from there. But I
calmly asked if he would like me to do anything about it, to which he
replied “no”. He said he remembered a story I'd read from the
Friend that had that same situation in it. The boy being picked on
invited the other boy over after school, they made cookies and a
friendship. Our son wanted to invite this boy over so he could get to
know him better. I told him of course he could, get his phone # and
I'd call his mom to work it out. The next day when our son went to
school with the attitude of wanting to be this boys friend, things
changed. He came home and said he didn't need to invite him over, he
was already being nice to him now.
This was a huge teaching moment for me.
First, my kids were actually listening to the stories even when they
were bouncing around the car. Second, my son tried to implement the
principle into his life and was perfectly capable of solving this
problem on his own.
As mothers we need to constantly change
to keep up with our rapidly moving lives. We have kids getting older
and doing different activities, new children being added to the
family, children moving away. We can't stay the same while life is
changing around us. We must adapt and find new ways to teach our
children. This might mean studying scriptures in the morning before
school, reading stories in the car (I've even had our son read while
I'm driving), have older children read to younger children. You have
to find what works for your family and if you can't find something
that works, then something in your life needs to go so you can.
Elder Joseph Fielding Smith taught: “It
is the duty of parents to teach their children these saving
principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, so that they will know why
they are to be baptized and that they may be impressed in their hears
with a desire to continue to keep the commandments of God after they
are baptized, that they may come back into his presence. Do you, my
good brethren and sisters, want your families, your children; do you
want to be sealed to your fathers and your mothers before you...? If
so, then you must begin by teaching at the cradle-side. You are to
teach by example as well as precept.”
We must pray for our children. Pray
that they will have enriching moments where they will feel the spirit
and teach them to recognize that for what it is. Give them the
opportunity of priesthood blessings, if their father isn't available,
get your home teacher or another ward member. Some of my greatest
spiritual moments are from priesthood blessings. Let them catch you
in prayer so they know it's important to you. There have been several
times when I'm having a hard day and I just have to leave the room to
say a prayer and a child walks in and starts talking to me. Instead
of ending my prayer and looking up, I keep my head bowed and hold up
a finger and immediately they get reverent and wait until I'm done.
Their mood changes when they see you praying.
Teach them to Pray, and listen for the
spirit. There is no greater tool! If they can learn to recognize how
the spirit communicates with them at a young age, they will be better
able to navigate their lives.
Teach Faith in Heavenly Father and in
His Son, Jesus Christ. The Savior taught that He is the good Shepherd
and that His “sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by
name, and leadeth them out.” “He...goeth before them, and the
sheep follow him: for they know his voice” (John 10:3-4)
When we teach our children to have
faith, they will know to follow His teachings and to listen to His
voice – whether through the scriptures, modern prophets, or the
Holy Ghost. They will be able to trust their decisions when led by
the Spirit.
Teach them to Love the Sabbath. The
Savior did good works on the Sabbath even when the Pharisees
criticized Him for doing so. Attending church and partaking of the
sacrament is the most important thing to do on the Sabbath but it
shouldn't be the only thing. President Spencer W Kimball has said,
“The Sabbath calls for constructive thoughts and acts, and if one
merely lounges about doing nothing on the Sabbath, he is breaking
it”. Find wholesome activities that your family will enjoy while
still inviting the spirit.
I have listed just a few important
things we should teach our children but as you know, there are so
many more.
Gordon B Hinckley said:
You
have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you
grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when
you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your
life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your
children have turned out. It will not be the money you have made. It
will not be the cars you have owned. It will not be the large house
in which you live. The searing question that will cross your mind
again and again will be, How well have my children done?
If
the answer is that they have done very well, then your happiness will
be complete. If they have done less than well, then no other
satisfaction can compensate for your loss.
And
so I plead with you tonight, my dear sisters. Sit down and quietly
count the debits and the credits in your role as a mother. It is not
too late. When all else fails, there is prayer and the promised help
of the Lord to assist you in your trials. But do not delay. Start
now, whether your child be six or 16.
Bradley
Foster of the 2nd
quorum of the Seventy said:
Brothers
and sisters, in a world where everyone is granted agency, some of our
loved ones may stray for a season. But we can never give up. We must
always go back for them—we must never stop trying. Our prophet,
President Thomas S. Monson, has issued a plea for us to go rescue
those of our loved ones who may be lost (see, for example, “Stand
in Your Appointed Place,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2003, 54–57).
With the help of priesthood leaders, parents must continue to go back
and find their lost ones, assuring them there will always be a “home”
within the family and the Church, waiting for their return. We never
know when a heart may be turned. We never know when a soul may be
weary and worn out by the world. When that happens, it seems our
children almost always turn first toward Mother.
We
need to keep trying moms, we can never give up. Lets take into
practice what we teach our children. Pray and have faith. Pray... and
have faith.
President James E Faust said, “If you
have done your best, which you usually do, your humble offering,
whatever it may be, will be acceptable and pleasing to the Lord.”
One last quote that I'd like to end
with is this, and I love this one.
President Boyd K Packer, “If you are
helpless, He is not. If you are lost, He is not. If you don't know
what to do next, He knows. It would take a miracle you say? Well, if
it takes a miracle, why not?”
Don't our children deserve a miracle?
Don't they deserve the very best we have? Let's give them that. Let's
give them everything we have and let the Lord guide us as we do so.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
