Not to be confused with Hurling... though I feel like doing that too.
Yesterday the social workers came over. My Angels worker is great, no problem with her. It's the county worker that I now have a beef with.
She came in asking how the kids are, I showed her how A is standing now and told her all B's new words.
She asked about visits. I explained that B still has nightmares, although after b-dad no showed a visit and babies spent 45 min with The Lady and The Other Lady (CALM worker), the next 2 visits he didn't have nightmares or adverse behaviors. I explained that he's now comfortable with The Ladies (not b-dad) so he seemed to do fine. I really don't think it has anything to do with being comfortable with b-dad. He doesn't interact with them enough to rise a smile out of them. That's what The Ladies do. The Social Worker was frantically taking notes of everything I told her.
Then she said they're lengthening visits with dad, from 2 to 3 hrs. {WHAT?!}
After that, they'll start doing supervised visits in Santa Barbara at dad's home, then move to unsupervised and eventually overnights. This is all in preparation to send them back to dad.
My Questions:
Has dad been fingerprinted? He said he has but he hasn't turned in the papers yet. We won't do home visits until his background is cleared.
What about the reactions B has had to visits? The nightmares, the biting & hitting, the acting out? Oh that's to be expected. The courts won't even look at that. {????!!!! Is this not a child who's trying to communicate?}
What about bonding with dad? Oh that doesn't matter. They don't need to bond with him, as long as he does what we ask, he's blood to them.
So as we go through these next several months of jumping the legal hurdles & praying we get to keep these babies, excuse me if I want to hurl when I hear that "bonding doesn't matter" and "the courts won't even look at B's nightmares". Dad is blood and that's what matters.
Yesterday the social workers came over. My Angels worker is great, no problem with her. It's the county worker that I now have a beef with.
She came in asking how the kids are, I showed her how A is standing now and told her all B's new words.
She asked about visits. I explained that B still has nightmares, although after b-dad no showed a visit and babies spent 45 min with The Lady and The Other Lady (CALM worker), the next 2 visits he didn't have nightmares or adverse behaviors. I explained that he's now comfortable with The Ladies (not b-dad) so he seemed to do fine. I really don't think it has anything to do with being comfortable with b-dad. He doesn't interact with them enough to rise a smile out of them. That's what The Ladies do. The Social Worker was frantically taking notes of everything I told her.
Then she said they're lengthening visits with dad, from 2 to 3 hrs. {WHAT?!}
After that, they'll start doing supervised visits in Santa Barbara at dad's home, then move to unsupervised and eventually overnights. This is all in preparation to send them back to dad.
My Questions:
Has dad been fingerprinted? He said he has but he hasn't turned in the papers yet. We won't do home visits until his background is cleared.
What about the reactions B has had to visits? The nightmares, the biting & hitting, the acting out? Oh that's to be expected. The courts won't even look at that. {????!!!! Is this not a child who's trying to communicate?}
What about bonding with dad? Oh that doesn't matter. They don't need to bond with him, as long as he does what we ask, he's blood to them.
So as we go through these next several months of jumping the legal hurdles & praying we get to keep these babies, excuse me if I want to hurl when I hear that "bonding doesn't matter" and "the courts won't even look at B's nightmares". Dad is blood and that's what matters.
Bonding Matters! These kids love you! They need to stay with you. This B-dad is going to be a single parent. I think a two parents family is way better then 1. What is the state thinking!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh - I have no words... One of my best friends here is going through a divorce and a nasty custody battle. Her ex is a porn addict and has done some very "questionable" things to their son over the years. Does CPS find anything wrong with that? Nope... He's the dad. My friend just keeps fighting the system because that's what momma bears do. Keep going, praying, temple attendance, etc. Many hugs and good thoughts to you guys! Don't give up!!! :)
ReplyDeleteSorry Melissa and Matt the kids will end up in the right place that is with you. i don't think b-dad is really invested in taking on the kids. We will say special prayers for you it will all be OK. I know eveyones already BONDED not so nice easy to have others make really difficult choies for you. Hold on to the reason they came in the first place. Lisa
ReplyDeleteCan the agency see if bdad would consider how great the kids are doing and willingly put them up for adoption. Lisa
ReplyDeleteThat is awful Melissa! That would just break my heart. Why are there so many bad parents out there?! I would do anything to provide the best for my child- I feel like that should be an innate need and people would realize if they aren't cutting it that two wonderful parents like you guys would be THE BEST thing. If I were able to I would knock some sense into that guy. In the meanwhile I can keep praying and hoping that the Lord helps you. Love you guys!
ReplyDelete