Aliyah loses her first tooth!

July 2, 2012

Age 6

I don't know what it is about this little girl, maybe it's the missing tooth. But lately she seems so grown up to me! I'm sad to see the baby in her disappear but I'm loving the girl she's becoming. She's so fun and she cracks me up. Love you Aliyah Leilani!

Music to my ears

Yesterday I heard the words 

Permanency 

and

Fost-Adopt

come out of our social workers mouth.

We have a new social worker (thank goodness) and we met for the first time yesterday. I really like her, but probably because she said those words. She was brief, she's new to this position and feels like if she's not talking, she doesn't need to be here. The other workers hang out with the kids and play with them for an hour. Either way is fine.

She still doesn't know bdad's status...again that's fine. 5 weeks without visits and we don't know if they'll start up again or when. She asked if we're a fost-adopt home. I said yes. She said she's going to get us a permanency worker. She's not entirely transferring the case to permanency because it's too early for that but she's going to have a worker contact us and get started on the case "just in case it goes there". She also mentioned that the way things are looking right now, it's very likely that's where we're headed.

She explained that with court being Aug 29, she has to have her recommendation in by Aug 12th. That's only 6 weeks away. What she didn't say, but what I already know is: within 6 weeks, bdad would have to

• start showing up for visits
• get back on a regular weekly visit schedule
• start supervised home visits
• do unsupervised home visits
• do overnight visits at his home

I'm not comfortable with saying this is impossible or it can't happen in the allotted time frame. But I can say what I was told a couple months ago by the social worker I didn't like. She said that in order for things to progress towards reunification in Aug, bdad would have to start home visits in June.

Each week we wait, and by the end of the week the sigh of relief gets a little bigger. We are very hopeful. Our regular social worker (through Angels) told me yesterday, "whatever you guys have been praying, just keep praying it because it seems to be working". I just pray that things don't progress with visits.

And I 

Thank You

for your continued prayers.

August is right around the corner.

Still Rising...

Bdad has missed 4 visits in a row. The circumstances are out of his immediate control but do count against him. Tomorrow will be visit #5 and unless a miracle happens for him, he will not be visiting tomorrow either. After that we don't know. No one really knows and we're all just waiting to find out what happens next. Each day could bring new information and sometimes it does.


Waiting...


I'm not a patient person but this whole adoption process with each of our children has forced me to become more patient. I just want to know what's happening and what's going to happen. But I guess that's for Heavenly Father to know, and for us to patiently wait to find out.

Hope Rising...Cautiously

Due to circumstances with bdad, visits are not happening right now. We don't know how long this will last. They could pick up again next week or next month. We don't know. So far 2 visits have been missed/cancelled.

Every Wednesday that goes by without a visit is better for us. We're continuing to pray that visits do not progress. Even if they continue doing visits the way they were is fine with me. What I don't want is Home visits and/or unsupervised visits. 

For now, we're enjoying the fact that visits just aren't happening. We're getting closer to the end and that makes each week very crucial.

Love these babies!!

Hurdling

Not to be confused with Hurling... though I feel like doing that too.


Yesterday the social workers came over. My Angels worker is great, no problem with her. It's the county worker that I now have a beef with.


She came in asking how the kids are, I showed her how A is standing now and told her all B's new words.


She asked about visits. I explained that B still has nightmares, although after b-dad no showed a visit and babies spent 45 min with The Lady and The Other Lady (CALM worker), the next 2 visits he didn't have nightmares or adverse behaviors. I explained that he's now comfortable with The Ladies (not b-dad) so he seemed to do fine. I really don't think it has anything to do with being comfortable with b-dad. He doesn't interact with them enough to rise a smile out of them. That's what The Ladies do. The Social Worker was frantically taking notes of everything I told her.


Then she said they're lengthening visits with dad, from 2 to 3 hrs. {WHAT?!}


After that, they'll start doing supervised visits in Santa Barbara at dad's home, then move to unsupervised and eventually overnights. This is all in preparation to send them back to dad.


My Questions:

Has dad been fingerprinted? He said he has but he hasn't turned in the papers yet. We won't do home visits until his background is cleared.


What about the reactions B has had to visits? The nightmares, the biting & hitting, the acting out? Oh that's to be expected. The courts won't even look at that. {????!!!! Is this not a child who's trying to communicate?}


What about bonding with dad? Oh that doesn't matter. They don't need to bond with him, as long as he does what we ask, he's blood to them.


So as we go through these next several months of jumping the legal hurdles & praying we get to keep these babies, excuse me if I want to hurl when I hear that "bonding doesn't matter" and "the courts won't even look at B's nightmares". Dad is blood and that's what matters. 

the other room

Why is it that I'm never in there, the other room?

I'll be in one room, struggling to dress A as she kicks, rolls over and squirms all over the place, utterly exhausting myself... when I realize it's awfully quiet in the other room.


There I find B has unrolled the t.p. while sitting on the toilet. 

Or what about when I leave B in the highchair (under older sibling supervision) while I run upstairs to bath A. 

That's when Big A runs upstairs announcing B has thrown his food all over the floor... and I'd served him pork and rice.

I've been in the dining room feeding A when, once again, silence pours out of the family room. Immediately I know what's going on.


Someone has left the remote control out. B sees me coming and starts pushing buttons even faster, never looking at the remote but keeping his eyes on me. It's like slow motion as I try to reach him. That night when if we sit down to relax, we find all kinds of mystery shows recorded and settings changed.

A is playing with toys, quietly, contently. I walk out of the room.

Then I hear a bang and screaming. She has crawled over and fallen into our lovely indoor rock area on her face. Fat lip, scratch on cheek and ear. Why was I in the other room?

B is on the toilet. (He takes a while & I can't just leave the other room that long) He sits. 


I hear water splashing. I run in and his hand, shirt and body are soaked. But he did pee first!

I'm changing a diaper (I often am) and I hear squeaky wheels.

Can't...move...fast...enough!!!

And... there's more scratches on the coffee table.

Silence...Silence...Silence  The big trouble always starts with silence.

• My purse emptied on the floor
• Books thrown out of shelves
• Baskets of toys dumped
• Milk in a bowl left over from breakfast pouring down the front of a child and onto the (cushioned) chair and floor
• Food, dishes, anything, everything pulled out of cupboards, drawers, cabinets, shelves
• And don't even get me started on the pens!!

No matter where I am

the other room

is always there.

I wish I could be in there...

But I Just Can't!

Tender Moment

There are several "side" affects Brock experiences and goes through after he visits his b-dad. However that's not what I want to focus on right now.

What I love about after the visit:

Both babies have usually fallen asleep in the car on their way back to me. Matt's usually home for lunch so we help The Lady get them out of the car. I take B since he's usually so passed out & Avery usually wakes up when the car stops. I take B upstairs to put him to bed, take off his shoes and hold him for a minute. I lay him in his bed, this is when his eyes open. He looks at me, the first 1/2 waking moment since he's left his b-dad, and he smiles. Then he closes his eyes, rolls over and goes to sleep. It's like he's saying "glad I'm home". I love that moment.