The Visit

Our social worker requested the Case Aid that used to take the kids so she would be familiar to them. She picked them up, B seemed to remember her and was fine with going. A didn't remember her I don't think and she ran outside until The Lady put her in the car. Then either memories came back or she just didn't like a stranger buckling her into a strange car. Either way, her lower lip quivered. After buckling B, I quickly ran to her side of the car to give her loves before she left.

Our CASA worker brought them back and told me about the visit. She said B was really quiet for the 1st 1/2 hr. Bdad asked The Lady if he was talking at all. (Not sure if I mentioned it before but Bdad was annoyed and didn't understand why we taught him sign language so he was probably worried he wasn't talking at all.) Then once B warmed up, he started talking. And this is what he repeatedly said, "All done, all done, all done". Hahahaha. Sorry, can't help it. They went to McDonalds so I didn't feed them lunch...but neither did Bdad. Should have thought of that, money is probably an issue. Needless to say, the kids were starving and thirsty when they got home. But it sounds like they had fun on the McDonalds playground and that is good. It's better than trying to keep these 2 busy in a small room at the county building.

Another visit next month. Our CASA said that if Bdad's attorney contests termination of rights in Dec then they'll have to have a hearing. Agh! I guess we'll see. I don't know if he'll contest since at the last hearing he just let it go without contesting anything. Seems like he wouldn't contest but now with Bdad back in the picture...who knows. The waiting continues...

And...He's Back

Bdad has called the county office wanting a visit. He didn't leave a number to be called back but I'm sure he'll call again. We have a new permanency worker who said she'll just have them do a group visit. This means 1 supervisor in a room with several kids visiting parents. So in other words, it wouldn't be very supervised. My social worker asked her to read the file, consider how long he's been out of the picture at this point and how young the kids are before deciding what kind of visit to do. After starting to read the file the county worker agreed that one on one supervision would be best. Also our CASA worker will go on the visit so the kids will have someone familiar to them there. Thank heavens for her!!

So for now we'll wait to see what happens next. Avery certainly doesn't know him, plus she screams a lot so hopefully she'll scare him off. hahaha And Brock talks so much now! It's hard to know what a child remembers, I wonder if he remembers him. I'm sure he would when he sees him. The last visit they had was late May, almost 6 months ago. That's a long time for children so young and I'm worried what memories could be stirred up for B. But, it's part of the process and we'll just have to go through it.

The Things People Say

Don't people say funny things sometimes? I'm sure I have said my fair share of funny/offensive things. I try not to but sometimes I'm sure I do.

When we first started fostering children almost 7 years ago, I remember getting questions and comments all of a sudden. Here's a dialogue I remember very well.

I was shopping in Petsmart and had 3 yr old Michael and 3 yr old Jaden, who we'd only had for several weeks, with me. Newborn Aliyah was at home with Matt.

Stranger Lady: How old are they? (innocent right?)
Me: 3 (all of a sudden you see her looking intently since they look nothing alike)
Lady: Are they twins?
Me: No
Lady: How far apart are they?
Me: 20 days
(...crickets....)
(...and more crickets...) (Do I fill the space?)
Me: We're fostering
Lady: (with sudden understanding) Ohh! Well she must be yours because he looks nothing like you!
Me: (with a little too much exertion) No! He's mine!
Lady:...oh...

Okay, so this is a bad scenario all around. Luckily the 2 kids were so busy playing with each other they didn't hear (I don't think) or wouldn't have understood anything she was talking about. But I felt awful and realized right away that I needed a plan for all those questions. After that I learned to stop the conversations at "yes, they're all mine", smile and walk away. I never wanted a foster child to feel like they weren't mine.

This caused more exciting conversation when we had little Luis. By this time I felt fairly seasoned with the questions being 2 years into fostering. People would look at the kids (Luis was very Hispanic looking) and ask if they're all mine. I wondered what they must think of me since they all look so different but I stopped caring about that long ago. So when people asked this in front of Luis, I would respond with a confident "Yes". And then, 3 yr old little Luis would pop up with "I'm not yours!" Then turn to the stranger and say "my moms in jail".  Well, can't say I didn't try.

Another conversation I remember very well. Michael was born in Utah while we were living in Texas. We jumped on a plane when his bmom's water broke and got to hold him that first night he was born. He was born on a Thursday, she placed him in our arms for forever on Monday. We had to stay in Utah for 10 days for legal reasons. When that time was up we boarded a plane to go home. We had a layover in New Mexico. While we were waiting this lady approached us and here's how it went.

Strange Lady (SL): Oh he's so little
Proud new parents: Yes
SL: Wow, you moms these days are like mother cats dragging your kittens all over the country to show them to family.
Proud new parents:(...Whu???...) We've just adopted him and we're taking him home.
SL: (with big smile and oohing and awing) Oh how sweet!
Yeah yeah

Well over the years I feel like I've heard it all.
~They must look like their dad
~Oh, the boys have your eyes and the girls have their dads eyes (really? have you met my husband?)
~He has beautiful eyes, (then they glance at Aliyah to see if her eyes match then back to Michael) This has actually gotten worse with Brock because his eyes stand out so much. Luckily Aliyah and Avery have matching eyes now.
~Where are they from? (at least these people have already made the adoption connection)

Matt is better at deflecting these comments than I am. The other night we had the missionaries over for dinner and one of them, referring to the kids, asked where they get their dark hair. We used to tell people that my dad and Matt's mom have black hair, which is true. Well this time Matt said, "it grows out of their heads", then turning to Aliyah he said while shaking his head and smiling "silly missionaries". She giggled and that was that.

I remember when I first met my dear friend. I'd heard that they adopted their daughter, which was shocking since she looks so much like her mom. I was excited to meet her. Michael was 2 and I didn't know anyone in the area who'd adopted. So that was how I started the conversation, "I hear you adopted your daughter". She didn't look at me (she was going through papers or something) and mumbled "uh huh". Well I could see that I'd started with the wrong line so I quickly explained that we adopted our son and then she looked up. We became fast good friends and have traveled this foster adoption road together.

I've met people that I've wanted to ask if they adopt but how awkward is that if they didn't. I've become very mindful of what I say to people because of how it may sound to them. We have a tile guy working on our bathroom who, after working here for a week and a half, asked if we adopted our kids. It doesn't take a Geneticist to see that we couldn't have made these kids ourselves. This gets my husband and I on edge a little. First, it's a small world and we don't know who knows who. So we're cautious with our answers. Later the tile guy came down and said, "I really hope you get to keep those kids, when do you find out?" I told him it's pretty for sure that we'll keep them but December is the next date. He said "well I really hope you can keep them, they're yours. Good things happen to good people". He's a very nice guy.

What it really comes down to is this. You (by you I mean a stranger) can ask me if they're all mine, the answer is YES. You can ask where they come from or where the dark hair & eyes come from, the answer is GOD. You can even ask me if they're adopted, heck you can ask me anything you want to. I'm pretty open about it because I love adoption and I think more people should know about it.

The only thing I ask of you is please don't ask me in front of my kids. We have nothing to hide, they know they're adopted, they know they have birth parents (and think everyone has 2 sets of parents) and they know (because too many people have brought it their attention) that they don't look like us. It's all good. If they have questions they talk to us and we explain it. We explain The Plan of Salvation and how they chose us to be their parents. They get it.

This makes me wonder though, what have I asked, talked about etc in front of others that I shouldn't have or that may have made them uncomfortable? Therefore, when I'm asked questions, I realize that people don't mean any harm, they're merely curious as I often am and just don't know what to do with their words.

Thank you!!

Prayers were answered today! Reunification was TERMINATED!!!

We are so excited, the social workers weren't expecting that, they expected continuance so we're very happy.

Next date: Dec 12 to terminate rights.

Looking Better

We just got word from our social worker of the county workers recommendation for the babies. 

She is recommending terminating bdad's reunification on Aug 29th. Two weeks ago she was still telling us it was too early to know what to recommend. So now that that's on paper, we'll see what happens on the 29th.

We were told that if bdad's attorney contests, they could continue it. Hopefully termination will happen and we can move on to the next step, terminating rights.

Safety In Numbers

I've already mentioned that Matt wrecked his car, and he's fine.

We got home Sunday night from our Monterey trip. Monday morning Matt got in the van to go to work and as he tried to drive out of the driveway, noticed he was driving on the wheel, the tire had gone completely flat. He put the spare on (which was also lacking some air) and took the tire to the shop at lunch. It had a 2 inch gash on the inside of the tire, faulty tire. Nothing we did. We cannot believe it went flat in our driveway after driving all over the place all weekend!

Monday morning (same day as flat tire): My kids don't watch that much tv. I let them watch a couple shows of cartoons during the summer mornings and they usually have to earn them with chores. Well this day I got tired of them watching tv. I remember growing up that our days were spent outside in the woods or running around with our friends (granted we didn't have a tv so that wasn't an option). I was frustrated that the kids weren't spending much time outside so I sent them out. Michael went outside (or stormed out actually) and sat in the top of the fort screaming and crying that he didn't want to be outside. This went on for a while, I felt bad for our neighbors who hopefully were inside. I started thinking of what we could do to get his imagination moving.

Tuesday morning: I decide to take the kids to Pioneer Park. It has a little playground but mostly it has woods around it. I got there and told the older kids to go play in the woods and I stayed on the playground with the babies. Now, these are not the woods I grew up with. These are trees, in sand. So there's also Red Ants in the sand. Luckily we did not have an incident with red ants. After a few minutes of trying to find frogs to catch, Michael came running back to me complaining about how bored he was. I told him to go out and find some sticks to build a fort with. He disappeared for a while, then guess what?! He came running back carrying all these sticks and he was so excited! My boy found sticks!! Yay!! He and Aliyah worked on a fort for a while, then it was time to go get Matt from work. Because his car is still in the shop. The kids pile in the car, I go to back out and crash! I hit something! I thought it was a car but there was nobody around. It was a power pole! The problem with this park is they have power poles in the middle of the parking lot and nothing around them for protection. Michael and Aliyah were both drinking from water bottles so they got soaked, Aliyah cut her lip & I immediately felt pain in my neck since I was turned around and then hit. Good thing I'm married to a chiropractor!

So while our life has been speckled with numerous "incidents", "crashes" whatever you want to call them, we have been kept safe. Through it all we're healthy besides some runny noses and we're all ok. We have been very blessed and are so grateful for our safety.

A Weekend Getaway

This summer we planned a couple of short trips rather than a long vacation. It was easier with the babies to just do that rather than get court approval to go out of state & worry about breaking up visits with bdad (which haven't been happening anyway).

Last weekend we went to Monterey. We've lived here for 9 years this month and we've never been to Monterey other than driving through! I decided it was time to go. 

Our first day we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium:

These jelly fish were really cool!

Lunch at Bubba Gump!

Michael wearing Forrest Gump's shoes. I really wanted that Box of Chocolates

This octopus was awesome! He was all white and the info said when he gets mad he turns colors. I jokingly told Michael to tap on the glass to get him mad. He did, and the octopus immediately started changes colors. Quite the temper he has! haha

Day 2: San Jose Children's Museum (best children's museum I've ever been to)

 Brock is always finding his way to the drivers seat! He's so enthused over trucks so this was a special treat for him.

 The bubble maker - Michael

 And he found another one!

 They have a Clifford exhibit right now, last time we went several years ago it was Curious George

 The water room was really fun, and those gowns didn't help much

Our artist, always happy to be creating something

Day 3: Dennis The Menace Park & Carmel

 This red slide underneath was rollers that you go down

 The unfortunate part of this park is the kids don't know who Dennis the Menace is. 

We'll have to fix that.

 Paddle boat was a fun end to the park. We took turns since we didn't want to take the babies. 

Carmel

 It's so beautiful here!

 Pebble Beach Golf Course

I love this picture. Not because of me but this is what Avery does, she points at everything exciting and babbles.
So cute!

 We have beautiful beaches but this sand was white! It was finer than ours also. Matt said that must be where they get the sand for ash trays. lol

 Our kids, always digging in the sand

You've got to check out the house between the trees if you can see it. Look at the roof!
We found several houses like that.

Matt is our photographer and he took over 200 pictures of our weekend. They all turned out great! (However I should probably steal the camera next time to get some shots of him.) It was nice to get away and have a break from all that's going on at the house. The kids favorite part of the vacation? The hotel swimming pool of course. Why do we bother??