Phantom Cat

When I was single and working as a dental assistant in Utah, my supervisors roommate LOVED cats. My supervisor was allergic to them but they had about 5 anyway. Well they found this cat in the winter eating cracked corn that someone had thrown out for the ducks. They took her in but just couldn't keep her so I offered to take her. They'd started calling her Fluffy since... she was & I just let it stick. She was very young, probably about 1 when she was found.

At first she slept at the foot of my bed, a very spoiled cat. She ruled the house and had a lot of attitude. She didn't like strangers and would disappear when anyone came around.

I got married. Matt does not like cats, or at least not Fluffy. She no longer slept at the end of the bed. It's no wonder she didn't like him either. We moved to Texas so Matt could go to school there. She ruined our spare bedroom floor, turning it into her litter box. Matt was not so happy as he had to replace the carpet and put wood down.

We moved to California. We had Michael by then, he liked to pull her hair. She hid, a lot. She was getting older. She loved being outside and would explore the neighborhoods. She wasn't a mouser which was fine. I didn't need dead mice at my door. Although there was a period of time when we found dead rats at our first home here. Come to think of it, we had a couple of dead rats in TX too. Hmm... I guess she was a mouse. But not a show off one. You know that cats that bring it to the door and expect praise for it? My mom had a cat like that.

I started doing foster care. I had 2 3yr olds and a newborn. Fluffy was very fluffy and I no longer had the time to brush the mats from her fur. She would get very matted, I felt bad. I realized that maybe it was time to give her to someone who would be able to love and appreciate her more than I could at that time in my life. A lady and her son came to pick her up. Several weeks later I got a phone call from the Animal Shelter saying they had her. (I'd forgotten to keep her tags) I went down there, she was in a kennel, very smelly and matted even worse. I still don't know if that lady just dropped her off down there or if she was captured somewhere. The lady said someone must have picked her up but I don't know why someone would do that if she had a collar on. Anyway I couldn't leave her there so I took her home. I de-matted her and recommitted myself to being a better cat mom.

As Aliyah got older she fell in love with Fluffy. Fluffy spent the last couple years of her life being held, carried, dressed-up and rocked. Aliyah hauled her all over the yard, Fluffy was too old to jump the fence and run away anymore. The only time she got the courage to do that was when the gardner came once a week. So she was at Aliyah's mercy. At first she was annoyed by all the attention. Then every time Aliyah would go outside, Fluffy would run to her and rub on her leg.

A couple months after we moved to our new house, Fluffy disappeared. I knew that she'd gone off to die and explained that to the kids. I wonder where cats go anyway? I've searched for her but she always was good at finding hiding spots.

Since then I keep thinking I see her in the yard. I'll think I see a movement out of the corner of my eye, then there's nothing there. I had a dream one night that she just came walking back into the yard like nothing had happened. A couple days later I was at the church and I looked down the hall. There, sitting outside the door, was a cat. A very fluffy cat with the same coloring as Fluffy. It's head was turned away so I couldn't see it's face, I walked to the door and knelt down to see the cat. I could tell from down the hall that it wasn't her, this cat was too big. But it was weird, I'd just had that dream and it felt so real. I waited until the cat turned around and sure enough, it wasn't her.

A couple days later I saw something gray out in the yard. I did a double take, it was an old towel the dogs been chewing on.

I didn't realize the impact this cat had on me for all the years she was with us. Just always having her there was...habit? Comforting? I don't know. But it's been weird to think I keep seeing her. I know she's resting in peace, no longer in pain (she was wincing the last couple of weeks when I'd pick her up). I think the fact that she just took off doesn't feel like an end? It didn't bring closure to me I guess. Hopefully this will and I'll stop seeing the Phantom Cat.